Love Don't Live Here.

Sometimes you just need a good ole country jam like this...

:: well, this heart 'a mine

has been hardened like a stone

it might take some time

to get back what is gone

but i'm movin' on

and you don't haunt my dreams

like you did before

oh, and i will curse your name

hey!

well, i heard the news

that you were back in town

just passin' through

to claim your lost and found

but i'm over you

and there ain't nothin' there

that you could say or do

and take what you did back

you've got the nerve to waltz right in

and claim what's mine is yours again

'cause i've been doin' fine without you

forgettin' all the love we once knew

girl, i ain't the one that slammed that door

now you see a change of thinkin'

but i ain't got a heart for breakin'

so go and pick your bags up off my floor

'cause love don't live here anymore

oh, no

well, baby, you can try

to tell me how it is

and try to justify

everything you did

but, honey, i'm no fool

oh, and i been down this road

too many times with you

now i think it's best you go

well, i got one thing left to say

is you can lay in the bed you made

'cause i've been doin' fine without you

forgettin' all the love we once knew

girl, i ain't the one that slammed that door

now you see change of thinkin'

but i ain't got a heart for breakin'

so go and pick your bags up off my floor

oh, 'cause love don't live here anymore ::

Lady Antebellum

Same Kind of Different As Me.

Based on a recommendation from a friend, I just started reading Same Kind of Different As Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore. According to the book's Web site, here's the synopsis of the novel:

A dangerous homeless drifter who grew up picking cotton in virtual slavery...

An upscale art dealer accustomed to the world of Armani and Chanel...

A gutsy woman with a stubborn dream...

A story so incredible no novelist would dare dream it.

The story begins outside a burning plantation hut in Louisiana and within an East Texas honky-tonk...and, without a doubt, in the heart of God. It unfolds in a Hollywood hacienda, in an upscale New York Gallery, in a downtown dumpster, in a Texas ranch. Gritty with pain and betrayal and brutality, this story also shines with an unexpected, life-changing love.

"Just tell 'em I'm a nobody that's trying to tell ever'body 'bout a Somebody that can save anybody."
– Denver Moore

Comfortable.

Some of the most poignant lyrics John Mayer has ever written.

:: i just remembered that time at the market
snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart
and rode down aisle five
you looked behind you to smile back at me
crashed into a rack full of magazines
they asked us if we could leave

can't remember what went wrong last september
though i'm sure you'd remind me, if you had to

our love was comfortable
and so broken in

i sleep with this new girl i'm still getting used to
my friends all approve, say "she's gonna be good for you"
they throw me high fives
she says the Bible is all that she reads
and prefers that i not use profanity
your mouth was so dirty

life of the party and she swears that she's artsy
but you could distinguish miles from coltrane

our love was comfortable
and so broken in
she's perfect, so flawless
or so they say

she thinks i can't see the smile that she's faking
and poses for pictures that aren't being taken
i loved you gray sweatpants, no make-up, so perfect

our love was comfortable
and so broken in
she's perfect, so flawless
i'm not impressed
i want you back. ::

Donald Miller.

:: It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you're looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things. ::

Donald Miller

Stuff White People Like.

This hilarious blog never ceases to entertain me. It lists a variety of things that, stereotypically, white people like. I find myself able to relate with 70% of the items on the list, and each entry is so well-written. All of the posts are riddled with intelligent, ironic humor. Overall, the site is incredibly entertaining and worthy of being read.

For now, here's the current list of objects that white people adore, including comments regarding things I, too, enjoy...but check back as the blog is updated frequently.

1) Coffee.

• True. Starbucks. Coffee Bean. All of it.

2) Religions their parents don't belong to.
3) Film festivals.
4) Assists.
5) Farmer's markets.

• The Wednesday market in Santa Monica can't be beat.

6) Organic food.
7) Diversity.

• I worked for the Intercultural Affairs Office. Enough said.

8) Barack Obama.
9) Making you feel bad about not going outside.

• Katie Van Buskirk's definition of my very essence.

10) Wes Anderson movies.
11) Asian girls.

• Two words: Erin Chinen.

12) Non-profit organizations.

• Beginning on January 5th, I will be employed by one.

13) Tea.

• There's nothing better than a chai latte.

14) Having black friends.

• Am I allowed to mention Darnell here?

15) Yoga.

• DVDs and classes--I've partaken in both.

16) Gifted children.

• I was enrolled in Fast Paced Language Arts as a child.

17) Hating their parents.
18) Awareness.
19) Traveling.

• Duh.

20) Being an expert on your culture.
21) Writer's workshops.
22) Having two last names.
23) Microbreweries.
24) Wine.

• Again, duh.

25) David Sedaris.

• I own all of his books.

26) Manhattan (now Brooklyn, too!)
27) Marathons.

• I ran one in Rome in 2006. I ran a half in Long Beach in October.

28) Not having a TV.
29) 80s night.

• How many college parties revolved around this theme?

30) Wrigley Field.

• As a Chicago native, clearly I love this place.

31) Snowboarding.
32) Vegan/vegetarianism.

• I'm not quite a vegetarian, but I'm really close. No red meat for this kid.

33) Marijuana.
34) Architecture.
35) The Daily Show/The Colbert Report.

• So, so funny.

36) Breakfast places.

• I would rather go out for breakfast than for any other meal. Hands down.

37) Renovations.
38) Arrested Development.

• Aside from Friends and The Office, one of the best television shows of all time. Gob on the segway gets me every time.

39) Netflix.
40) Apple products.

• I have a MacBook, a Nano, a Shuffle and an iPhone. Is all of that really necessary?

41) Indie music.

• Death Cab for Cutie, the Postal Service and Decemberadio are amongst my favorites.

42) Sushi.

• Nobu is truly heaven on earth.

43) Plays.

• I was enrolled in a theater class while abroad in London and all we did was attend plays and musicals.

44) Public radio.
45) Asian fusion food.
46) The Sunday New York Times.
47) Arts degrees.
48) Whole Foods and grocery co-ops.

• At CMPR, we frequent Whole Foods on a daily basis to make our lunch selections.

49) Vintage.

• The older, the better.

50) Irony.
51) Living by the water.

• Malibu. Santa Monica. Naples. Clearly.

52) Sarah Silverman.
53) Dogs.

• Obviously. I can't wait until I can have my very own black cocker spaniel and black French bulldog. They will be friends for sure.

54) Kitchen gadgets.
55) Apologies.

• As a confrontational person by nature, I've learned the importance of apologies.

56) Lawyers.
57) Juno.

• Amazing movie. Deserved more Oscar recognition than it received.

58) Japan.
59) Natural medicine.
60) Toyota Prius.
61) Bicycles.

• See my previous post regarding my brand new beach cruiser.

62) Knowing what's best for poor people.
63) Expensive sandwiches.

• I've definitely been willing to spend more than $8.00 on a sandwich, which is really insane, if you think about it. But, apparently, also really worth it.

64) Recycling.

• Mom has taught me well in terms of recycling.

65) Co-ed sports.
66) Divorce.
67) Standing still at concerts.
68) Michel Gondry.
69) Mos Def.
70) Difficult breakups.

• Baha! Unfortunately I can claim this one, too.

71) Being the only white person around.
72) Study abroad.

• Lived, studied and interned in London...twice.

73) Gentrification.
74) Oscar parties.
75) Threatening to move to Canada.
76) Bottles of water.
77) Musical comedy.

• Does Avenue Q count?

78) Multilingual children.
79) Modern furniture.

• Love the types that come from everywhere, ranging from IKEA and Target to Anthropologie and Pottery Barn.

80) The idea of soccer.
81) Graduate school.
82) Hating corporations.
83) Bad memories of high school.
84) T-shirts.

• American Apparel is my mecca.

85) The wire.
86) Shorts.

• I own way too many pairs.

87) Outdoor performance clothes.

• Couldn't live without North Face.

88) Having gay friends.
89) St. Patrick's Day.
90) Dinner parties.

• One of my favorite things to do on a given night is to host/attend a dinner party.

91) San Francisco.

• Couldn't visit Karli Meg, Becca and the boys there enough.

92) Book deals.
93) Music piracy.
94) Free healthcare.
95) Rugby.
96) New Balance shoes.
97) Scarves.

• I think I own at least 20,000. And I'd like to own more.

98) The Ivy League.
99) Grammar.

• I'm so anal about punctuation and correcting misspellings.

100) Bumper stickers.
101) Being offended.
102) Children's games as adults.
103) Sweaters.
104) Girls with bangs.

• I definitely rocked the side bangs this summer/fall.

105) Unpaid internships.

• I had three while in college: NBC, Bang Showbiz and St. Jude Children's Research Hospital Entertainment Marketing Office.

106) Facebook.

• Unfortunately, so true for me.
  

107) Self-aware hip hop references.
108) Appearing to enjoy classical music.
109) The Onion.

• A hilarious online publication I love to read.

110) Frisbee sports.
111) Peacoats.
112) Hummus.

• Delicious. A staple in my diet.
  

113) Halloween.
114) America.
115) Promising to learn a new language.

Traveling Mercies.

:: The depth of the feeling [grief, loss] continued to surprise and threaten me, but each time it hit again and I bore it, like a nicotine craving, I would discover that it hadn't washed me away. After a while it was like an inside shower, washing off some of the rust and calcification in my pipes. It was like giving a dry garden a good watering. Don't get me wrong: grief sucks; it really does. Unfortunately, though, avoiding it robs us of life, of the now, of a sense of living spirit...A fixation can keep you nicely defined and give you the illusion that your life has not fallen apart. But since your life may indeed have fallen apart, the illusion won't hold up forever, and if you are lucky and brave, you will be willing to bear disillusion. You begin to cry and write and yell and then to keep on crying; and then, finally, grief ends up giving you the two best things: softness and illumination. ::

Anne Lamott

Twenty Three.

I can't believe that I'm 23 years old! Wow, wow. Time has seriously flown by.

Technology has allowed for my friends and family from afar to make me feel so incredibly loved on my birthday. With everything from text messages, phone calls, voicemails and e-mail chains, the people in my life have really lifted me up on this special day.

I don't know if this is, like...allowed...but this is my blog, after all, so I'm going to share some e-mails from the "yo family" (as it's fondly called) e-mail chain that my beautiful college friends and I started around the time of graduation. Before we left school, we'd e-mail each other regarding each night's happenings/plans; since we've left, we e-mail everything from life updates and funny goings-on at work to silly jokes and holiday traditions.

Today there's a very special family e-mail chain going on regarding my birthday. Karli started it by suggesting my friends e-mail their favorite memory of our friendship out for us all to read and enjoy, and I thought I'd include their responses on this, my 23rd birthday post.

From Karli Meg:

"In honor of this fabulous day of Rach's birth, I propose that we all share our favorite memory of a time spent with Miss Johnson. I will begin...

I actually have way too many amazing memories with Rach to pick a fave, but I'll pick one that recently occurred. In October Rach came to visit me in Pleasanton. We basically just spent the entire weekend eating, laughing at ridiculous YouTube videos, making our television debut, and exploring Sausalito. This is just one example of what an amazing friend Rach is. She came all the way up to see me and then we had the best time doing basically nothing. That is, to me, the sign of true and deep friendship. Best friendship, I'd say!

Also: Malibu Beach Inn fire pit. Pomegranate margs at Terra. Running into the ocean with our clothes on. Done."

From Kimberly Anne:

"My favorite memory of Rachel Elizabeth Johnson was in the summer of 2005, when we took a romantic day trip to Laguna Beach - shopped, ate, talked, walked on the beach, and got Goldenspoon, of course."

From Erin Marie:

"Well, amongst a bevy of memories that all are near and dear to my heart, probably one of the sweetest was freshman year of college when we'd cuddle in rach's bed and eat ice cream and watch friends and not go to Com 200.

More recently, one of the highlights is the one night we had too much wine and decided that going to the gym and making a workout video was a good idea....and that going level 9 speed on the treadmill while being intoxicated was smart as well."

From Leslie Horvath:

"Happy day of your birth!!! Seriously, you tell BMJ thank you for giving us you! As for my favorite memory...Well, that is simple! One evening when a dear friend Carter Blanton was in town Rachel, Carter, and myself were hanging out on a street corner in the city of Santa Monica when a rather random and diverse group of men approached us... 1 decided he would like to bubble wrap me, take me to China, and feed me cereal, all while watching Japanese anime. Another wondered why we didn't have a toaster and inquired about Ms. Johnson's affiliation with Ninjas. Then there was the white middle aged guy. All in all, it was a night to remember... Which I do often:)

Rach, another fond memory would be having that incredible brunch with you and Emily Merrell in London! Soooo good!"

From Geoffrey Baker:

"First off, Feliz Cumpleaños Rach! I hope you have a flabbergastingly great day! (Yes. I just invented a new use of the word flabbergast for you.)

Secondly, even though I was a bit of a late comer to the familia I have so many great memories with you that I am finding it hard to pick just one… Oh wait. That's a lie. I know exactly which memory is my favorite. It was one night, at one of the many parties held at the Point Dume Club. The two of us came to the realization that the drinking game that was currently being played was fun, but not quite enough to keep us entertained and adequately satiated. Sooo we decided to play a couple little games on the side, the first of which was whoever said drink first won and the other person had to drink; the second, and in my opinion more ingenious, was the first person to "shoot" the other and make the sound of a gun, won and the other person had to drink, usually while pretending to die in the most cheesy and overdramatic way possible. Drink! Bang!

C. Cheesy (but true) quote time: "Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young." Sir Arthur Wing Pinero. According to Sir Pinero, you have nothing to fear lass, because you love life with a depth that would challenge Mother Teresa, God bless 'er (and you of course.)

Lastly, my only encounter with your parents was at the graduation party and they were incredible; between your dad and the cigars and the way your mom kept delivering (aka. forcing) food...incredible. Therefore, I know you are in good hands tonight and I know that the celebration will be nothing short of what you deserve. May your glass never be empty.

Love you Rach. Oh and one more thing...mascara. That is my second favorite memory. You know what I'm talkin about Rach. Miss ya."

From Michael Carter Blanton:

(Not as much as of a story as it is a rap...but amazing nonetheless.)

"I made a rap
fo yo birfday
I's screamin all da way
From Tenness-ay

Iz yo birfday
So lez git happY
Tonite I hopes
that yuu git sloppY

Yuu can try n' play Convict
Cuz thaz yo game
but widout us all der
Iz not da same

Yuu mite go bladin
Down by da pier
but widout us all der
Yuu gon shed a tear

Yuu be pimpin Leona
Down hiway one
But in a empty car
It juz aint no fun

You can had alatta fun
Down in Newport Beech
2 bad all uz
R outta reech

Dey say LA's
Da town Kiedis made
Da Lakers, Da Dodgers,
Da Promenade

Da City uh Angels
Getz so dern crowded
Tonite'll be crazy
No doubt aboudet

So from da 615 to da 310
Da Eastside Nash all da wayta SanMo

Happy birfday
And juz keep on bleedin
Pritty soon u go ta Texas
Helpin the needin

Whammy!"

From Nicholas Michael Spence:

"Probably one of the best, most wonderful, most amazingly spectacular Rachel memories I have is when we ditched malibu, jumped in Erin's jeep listening to Jack Johnson (quoting Will Ferrell the entire time), and jumped off of rocks into the clear ponds! That was the beginning of the I Phelta Thi Froroity. Though we didn't actually DO anything, we were definitely the coolest kids on campus. Our legacy lives on..."

Giving Thanks, Posted Late.

Wait, it's December already. Really? Time has flown. September dragged along so slowly; it was definitely the most difficult month for me. There was so much transitioning occurring--school had started and my friends and I weren't returning, jobs were sparse and I wasn't yet working, some relationships in my life were ending and I was adjusting to my new life in Santa Monica.

So much has changed since then, job-wise, faith-wise, relationship-wise and, basically, life-wise. I feel so blessed to be at the point of life that I'm in now. Though this isn't an original idea, I wanted to take some time in between the Thanksgiving and Christmas seasons to jot down some things that I am so thankful for in my life.

apartment 509. bs 1 and 2. having the luxury of saying, "oh, i'm just going to go downstairs and grab some starbucks."

speaking of starbucks, red cup and holiday drink season.
stuffing, potluck potatoes, broccoli casserole and turkey. pumpkin pie and persimmon pudding. morning quizzes accompanied by prize money. wheaton, illinois. mom, dad and brother. "what happens in vegas," coupled by mimosas. john mcbride, my pseudo-grandfather.
scarves, uggs and wintry breezes.
december beaching. montana avenue. having to over-compensate with decorations because southern california doesn't exactly have the same seasons that we do in the midwest...which i'm actually very thankful for.
twinkling white lights, ice skating and gingerbread houses.
home-cooked meals. community group. laughter. mulled wine. gossip girl reruns.
"it's better in a sweater" parties. holiday soirees in west hollywood.
the anticipation of a weekend spent with the most wonderful women in the world (exculding my momma, who is unable to attend).
christmas gifts and tree loans from my fantastic boss at cmpr. company lunches and coffee breaks. maggie, cmpr's resident puppy.
the brink of a budding career with the touch a life foundation.
candy canes and mint cookie joys.
the return of the greatest two-disc christmas compilation known to mankind. family secret santas and excessively long e-mail chains.
jesus: the reason for the season.
ski weekends in vail. johnson + joyce. snowflakes, hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps, north face jackets and memories in the making.
december prayer lists. world vision's gift catalogue. evergreen trees and christmas ornaments.
good health, great friends, fabulous family.
the best life.